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Ask for Help

Why we Need to Ask for Help| Written By: Nikki Novo

I don’t always feel supported. I often feel like I’m carrying the weight of my kids, my husband, our businesses, and my life on my back. As if, it’s just me and no one else.

Based off all my early teachings, I should feel good about being able to carry so much weight. After all, our generation of women has been taught that independence is highest achievement.

With that trophy comes a feeling of heaviness, and ultimately resentment towards the people who I claim are throwing the pounds my way.

I find myself taking it out on the easiest targets. You know, the people who are closest to me: the kids, my husband, and even poor Foxy.

Is it really their fault? If I think about it, I trained them to be this way. I sold them on the idea that I am Super Woman in the flesh. How lucky are you that you married (or your mom is) Super Woman?

And while I can keep that persona up for an impressive amount of time, at some point I crack. The result? Someone gets hurt. More often than not, it’s the innocent person who trusted me with blind faith because I told them to. 

Yet, the person I hurt the most is myself. Why? Because when we convince ourselves that we can do it all on our own without asking for help, all we’re doing is setting ourselves for failure. At some point we will fail.

Failure in our everyday lives is defined as not checking everything off our to-do list or not remaining consistent with our new routines. Once we see we’re not hitting those marks, we begin to define ourselves as weak, inconsistent, and a fraud. This definition of self creates a scared and worried person. Scared and worried people find it hard to grab on to the courage needed daily to design our most authentic lives.

What if we could avoid all of this hurt? What if there’s a better way?

ASK FOR HELP

I think there is, and it requires two shifts in our thinking. First, perhaps we are not Super Woman? Meaning, maybe we do need help from others to get everything done. We can get our vision completed, but we need to ask for help, which takes courage. Courage is your real super power. The courage to ask our children, our spouses, our friends, our co-workers, and even strangers for help.

People enjoy helping. It makes them feel good. In fact, we are offered small gestures of help every day. Like the person who opens the door for us or offers to bring out or groceries. Most often, we say no to the small help, which blinds us from the possibility of bigger help. Receiving help in small ways is how we build the muscles to receive (and ask for) help in the bigger ways.

CREATE SPACE IN YOUR TO-DO LIST

Secondly, do we really need to do all that stuff on the to-do list? Which items on the list are there to impress others? Which are the tasks on there that help keep up our perfect person persona? Let’s delete those and never look back.

Where else can we make space on our list? How about all the things we think we “should” be doing? Shoulds are usually other people’s agendas for us, not on our own. We don’t need to fulfill the agendas of others. Let’s take that off, too.

As we add more contributors to our lives and less empty tasks, we begin to feel more supported. It didn’t require extra money or an impossible orchestration of troops. All that is required is the knowing that we are enough as is. We are not considered worthy because of how much we do and how we do it. We are enough just because.

And sure, there are some worldly things that need to be accomplished, but doing them with help and intention is the real way to work smarter and not harder. We are supported. Resentment is simply a choice of thought. The courage to ask for help and clear our lists is also a choice. One choice feels better than the other.

Nikki Novo is a Cuban-American author, motivational speaker, life coach, medium, and energy healer.

A certified hypnotherapist with the International Association of Counselors and Therapists, ThetaHealer(r) and Reiki healer, Nikki is the author of “Will I be Alone Forever? …And Other Dating Questions You Wish a Psychic Would Answer.”  She has taught at The Standard Spa, Miami Beach and Soho Beach House. She has also been commissioned to speak by organizations like Levo League, Fordham University, Florida International University, Macy’s, Saks Fifth Avenue, Baptist Health, Femfessionals, and Latinas Bloggers Connect.

Previous to becoming an activist for authentic living, Nikki was the Miami editor for Refinery29, an editor for DailyCandy, and the associate editor at Miami magazine. Her work has been seen in Allure magazine, Town & Country, the Huffington Post, DailyWorth, MSN.com, Zagat.com, and others. She also spent time in the publicity department of Lionsgate and Fox Searchlight in Los Angeles. 

As an expert in purposeful living, Nikki has been featured in Marie Claire, NBC, MSN.com, Telemundo, Babble.com, Arizona Latinos, Miami New Times, and Aventura Magazine. She also held relationship columns with eHarmony.com, the Huffington Post, Miami New Times, and Disney.com.

Nikki is a work-at-home entrepreneur and mom. She is a tribe member of her family consisting of her husband, tween-in-training daughter, toddler boy, and three-pound Yorkie – who is also her desk mate. http://www.nikkinovo.com

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