Are you READY and WILLING to Heal?
Do you find this question strange? Shouldn’t everybody be eager to be healthy? Consciously, of course. Subconsciously is another story. For example, I often come across clients that need to go through a mindfulness exercise to emotionally release pain before the actual physical pain can be healed.
When I was 15 years old, I remember a weekend when I was home from Boarding School and I got some kind of food poisoning. I felt so sick I thought I would die! I still recall the constant vomiting, the runs to the washroom and the sensation that my whole world resided in my stomach and had decided to revolt on me.
To my embarrassment and mortification, when I thought the worst was over, a friend (male nonetheless) drop by to visit me and happened to witnessed part of the whole ordeal (I’ll save you the details on that…). It was then that my father decided to take me to the ER.
When the MD told me that I would need to go through a stomach pumping (that in those times entitled to swallow a piece of plastic tubing being 100% conscious) my reply was: “where is the tubing?”. I went through it in record time and almost without blinking. My father was impressed! When my family asked me afterward how come I had been so decisive about the whole thing my answer was: “If that was the only way I was getting rid of this and back to health, I didn’t see any other choice but going through with it as fast as possible”. Obviously, I was ready and willing. Not bad for a teenager!
I was convinced then that I was invincible.
And then life happened and I learned that the matter is far from being that easy when it comes to emotional/mental wounds. Every time I think about this, I get this flashback of myself at 39 years old, walking up a hill during the coldest part of Fall through a deserted street and crying my eyes out.
I felt overwhelmed by a level of anguish that made my chest hurt, with no sense of life direction and little hope for a decent future. I remember that I would only take a breath to cry some more and that just the thought of needing to focus to make something happen would make me cry even harder.
At times, the predominant thought in my head would be: “I am exhausted…”. I was tired of always needing to fight to accomplish anything; of having to fight alone, away from my family and surrounded by a foreign culture; tired of putting 10-12 hours a day into a graduate degree that felt like the never-ending story, with barely any money for rent and food, walking 10-15Km a day in the winter cold and with no idea whatsoever of how and when that would end.
I was clinically depressed and without the luxury of slowing down.
I could hear myself say “If I stop to take a break, this will take longer and I might not survive it…”. That day I was on my way to talk to my supervisor to ask for a raise and I kept running through my head the things I wanted to say. A bloody war was going on in my head between the reasons I should line up and the unfairness of me having to do it at all given our years together…
That conversation never occurred.
My supervisor wasn’t available and it so happened that the manager was looking for me to make me sign a new contract for almost double the stipend I’ve had before. But I was broken and I had been 100% convinced that I had an awful conversation ahead of me. How did I get out of THAT frame of mind? I wish there would have been a piece of tubing to solve that! I suddenly realized that something needed to change inside my head, and fast.
As an Energy Healer, I believe today that regardless of the nature of our illness/condition, to BE READY entitles the realization that something is wrong, something needs to change. It is that conviction (knowledge, if it is something already diagnosed) what drives us to look/ask for help.
Medical Dr or practitioner, western or traditional, rational or esoteric, drugs or natural medicine; we explore solutions… and sometimes it feels as if the search never ends and we can never get a satisfactory answer or resolution from anyone.
That is because being ready is not enough.
We also need to acknowledge that chances are we need to change something in our life, most likely in ourselves, to get to the real source of the issue.
Therefore, one needs to BE WILLING to do the work; to stop being dependent on the problem, or the pain, or the person, or the circumstances; to look inside and start being honest with oneself and take responsibility for the part we play. One needs to be willing to let go of the anguish; let go of the victim syndrome; the subconscious sense of value we wrongly find in not being well so that other people can take notice of us; to let go of the notion that our pain, our illness, is our identity.
Healing, really healing, is an active process. It is hard and can even be painful, but the end result is extremely worthy. At the end of it, you not only feel at the top of the world but you realize that now you are the one happening to the world instead of the world happening to you.
So, are you READY and WILLING to heal?
Change is scary even if it is for the best and, paraphrasing Michael Beckwith, to take it on requires more than being interested, it requires being committed. If you are, I can definitely help you on your journey…
Dr Yasmilde Rodriguez Gonzalez