How I Got In My Own Way
As my soul evolves, I often contemplate how to share my latest lesson with complete rawness and reality. I found recently, a certain method I was using to hold myself and my evolution back. For years, I tinkered on that “next” level, the step that would propel me to greatness. And for years I held a comfy spot between two worlds, mediocrity and comfort.
Growing up, I didn’t have the traditional upbringing. Though I strongly believe my parents loved me to the best of their capabilities, not having a full functioning mother can have some side affects. As a daddy’s girl, I was appreciative when he stopped traveling internationally and I started to see him more often. He would become my pilar and my strength in a world of a narcissistic and a narcotic combination.
My mother, beautiful as Sophia Loren and charming as Bill Clinton, was a somewhat functioning drug addict. I recall days of seeing her in bed, sleeping to only wake up to work or shop for more clothes that would sit with tags on for an eternity. I count my blessings and know others had it far worse in comparison. I am grateful for the extended family I was given and my father for sticking around and holding my world together. This simple fact is not the point of my story. My enlightenment in regards to my childhood is the avenue of my growth and the intention of this writing.
A child of a narcissistic and drug seeking mother grows up thinking the world is filled with ego. To play in the world that was my childhood, was to play quietly, internally and to avoid attention. There is a grand degree of peace by being intentionally invisible. The conditioning and programming of such a scenario attracted me to the opposite. To live in a world without the self, without the ego and being the complete opposite of what I had always known was my goal.
With framed photos of only herself along the perimeter of her home, hours spent in the mirror or shopping needlessly, I grew up feeling uncomfortable with the external self. I just recently connected the past stories to my stagnant present. Mere stories kept me in a place of average and blending into a world of vanilla.
In a world of selfie’s and self-promotional methods, I have inched forward and backward to find a place where I could promote FemCity but be in a safe enclave of non-ego. Never wanting to walk to a place of ego, I turned down speaking engagements, PR leads and opportunities that would have helped my company move forward in leaps to a successful future. I stood consistently in the way of global opportunities as to avoid being what I thought as narcissist. In exchange, I kept our company from growing as it should. My circle of mentors and colleagues told me to step forward, be the voice of the company, and take on every opportunity. I froze frequently on grand opportunities due to the fear of what I would become, i.e. self-absorbed.
In order to move our businesses forward, we have to be the spokesperson, the advocate and the cheerleader along the way. Using our voice to advance our business is a great tool to propel us towards our vision. My childhood experiences created false stories in my head that prevented me from doing activities and promotions I knew would move us ahead exponentially. These interpretations, mixed-representations and self-defining errors held me back and those I serve around me. How many of us have behaviors that are directly connected to our history? When we don’t move forward in the direction that calls to us, what are the stories and fears we tell ourselves? If we consistently make excuses, while others surpass us, what is really holding us back?
For decades this simple story-telling hurt my personal progress and business advancement. Most fears behave the same, through predictable patterns, and leave once confronted. I am now able to do videos and share myself to help others and no longer feel a connection to a self-absorbed fictitious persona.
May this story inspire you to self-reflect, dissect and transcend whatever may be holding you back. The world awaits your greatness.
Violette is the Founder of FemCity // an online global network featuring business and lifestyle trends with over 70 local communities designed exclusively for women. Violette is also a motivational speaker, small business consultant, writer and mother of three. As a serial entrepreneur with over 20 years of experience, Violette is passionate about supporting women entrepreneurs through business growth, big vision strategies and positivity along the way. For more inspiration and business tips, visit www.femcity.com and www.violettedeayala.com. Follow Violette de Ayala // @violettedeayala