Introducing the Supportive Stepmom
Hi, I’m Jocelyn. Let me introduce myself. Over the course of the last few years I’ve gone from being married, a new mom, divorced, a single mother, to now a newlywed stepmom. My mind is blown on so many levels!
First of all, I NEVER saw myself divorced. It took a lot of self-reflecting and self-discovery to get over the embarrassment of a failed marriage. It was absolutely necessary though. My ex and I had a toxic marriage which wasn’t conducive for raising our son.
The divorce was definitely a humbling experience for me. I found myself living in my best friend’s basement with my one year old while in the process of buying a home for my son and I. I didn’t ask her, she didn’t have to open her home to me. She had three children of her own, a husband, a busy career but there she was opening up her home without hesitation or an anticipated move out date. Then, my girlfriends helped me move out of my house. I have the kind of friends who have extremely busy lives. I would not be surprised if I saw them once every three to six months. It’s definitely something well planned out and booked months in advance, but they dropped everything for me. I had a slipped disc in my back but I’m so damn stubborn I insisted on moving everything with just badass girl power. I still have no idea how we did it, but I’m forever grateful for them!
When I finally settled into our home and my son was with his dad, I finally got around to taking care of me. I watched the most AMAZING Ted Talk, Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability (https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability). I recommend this video to everyone it completely changed my life! I knew I needed to change, so I started with being vulnerable and open-minded. I knew I needed to surround myself with women who were driven, successful, smart and wanted to come out of their situation on top of the world. I googled, I asked around to my girlfriends and I soon came to the realization I was the only one in my social group divorced! I mean that’s awesome, but it totally gave me another reason to be embarrassed! I got over it when I was introduced to a single moms group at my church (http://www.singleparentprovision.org/groups).
They were everything I was looking for and more! They were successful, smart, driven, had values, goals and weren’t sitting around gossiping like victims. They provided strength and guidance that I needed at that time. Once again, I’m forever grateful!
Now, speed forward approximately one year. I met an amazing man through Match.com. Yes, the dating website. Who knew, right?! He was immediately my forever always! He came with two children. I will never forget the night I met them. It was the end of May, they just finished school for the year. My (now) husband invited me over for dinner and a movie. We sat at the table for dinner where they proceeded to drill me with the most adorable questions. How did I meet their dad? Did I have any children? I had a little boy?! What’s he like?! Did I have pets? OMG! I have a cat?! How exciting! Will they get to meet my cat? After dinner they played outside while we cleaned up and then we finished the evening with a movie. They both wanted to sit next to me so I had one on each side snuggled up against me. I melted, it’s forever burned into my memory.
The night I met the children I realized this relationship isn’t just about their father and me. It was sinking in that what I do, how I behave, how I treat them or their father will have a lasting impact on them. My husband and I talked endlessly about how we wanted to blend our families. My husband, however, was only dreaming about blending our family from a traditional family perspective. I, on the other hand, had divorced parents so I knew it wasn’t simple or as basic as a traditional family. I again took to googling and asking around for support, but I wasn’t able to find local support. There wasn’t a group like the single moms group for stepmoms.
I did find a few groups on Facebook for blended families, and there I found women who asked for help on very personal, complex blended family issues, and were given responses like, “leave now”, “get away while you can”, or “the ex is such a psycho bitch”. I became so upset I had to unfollow these groups because their negativity haunted me every time a post popped up in my news feed. My mind couldn’t wrap itself around the pain these poor women were in, and who were pouring their hearts out asking for help, only to be told to “get out while you can”. Clearly, they are not looking to get out. They are asking for support, searching for guidance, and looking for hope!
I read posts to my husband, and we were beside ourselves with how negative the comments were, and how deep of an impact this would have on their children. I started to think more about my family dynamic, the struggles we overcame with the mindset of always putting our children first, working as a team, seeing the positive in everything, and knowing that our good intentions will pay off eventually. It lit a fire inside me. My experiences as a stepmom don’t have to end with me.
I have a passion to help women with their blended family dynamics. I’m really excited to share that I’ve became a Certified Stepfamily Coach! I want to be objective support that leaves women feeling validated, empowered, hopeful, while providing them tools to continue building their blended family.
So this is the start of my journey as The Supportive Stepmom!
I’m not sure how you came to this page, but I’m glad you’re here. Maybe you can relate to my journey, but maybe you won’t. I hope while you’re following along on this journey with me, you will find yourself in a judge-free, comfort-filled place.
Now that you know a little bit about me and my mission, comment below and tell me a bit about yourself. And I would love for you to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, or here on my website.