Making More Confident Decisions
4 Steps to Making More Confident Decisions | Written By: Nikki Novo
Have you ever sat in overwhelm not able to make any choices simply because you’re afraid of making the wrong choice? You guys, it’s a real thing.
A lot of the times we don’t make choices or we flip-flop on the ones we have made because we’re afraid of getting it wrong. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but yeah, you’re a practicing perfectionist. And I can only call you out because I am a recovering perfectionist, which means, I too, have these tendencies.
Perfectionism is the devil. Ugh, I hate it. But let’s think about why we strive to be perfect. First off, we want to appear perfect or produce perfect because we want those who are watching us to then think that we are, um, perfect. Meaning, we’re looking for outside validation. Somewhere in our perfect, little mind we believe that we are only worthy of love if someone outside of us tells us so — preferably with clapping and chants of “You are so perfect!”
I call bullshit. We are looking for gold stars from other people who themselves are just as perfectly imperfect as we are. In other words, they’re on our same level, my friend. Even if these people have “accomplished” more, making them seem superior, they are not. We are all made of the same stuff.
Of course, we do this to protect ourselves. We’re trying to stay safe. Because if we make a less-than-perfect decision, we risk feeling rejected, worthless, or less-than.
Get Past Perfect
So, step number one is to get over perfect. Understand that whoever you are or whatever you are putting out is divinely perfect in this moment. It is supposed to come out of you right now.
Take a Leap
The only way to get better at decision making or doing is through practice. You have to do it over and over again to learn your own process. This is how we get to know ourselves and our intuition. Trial and error, my love.
My husband is one of the most curious humans I know. One thing he loves to do is take things apart. Apparently he would do this as a kid. He starts taking apart full engines without knowing if he’s going to actually be able to put it back together. I once asked him how he has the balls to take it apart without really knowing if it’s going to work out. His response? “Nikki, I love figuring out what’s wrong with it so I can fix it.”
Enjoy the Figuring Out Process
My husband knows that it’s not going to be perfect on the first try and maybe even not the tenth. But he does know we have to start somewhere. And after we start we will use all the resources we have — anything from YouTube to experts — to figure shit out.
So after we make a choice, we must trust that we will figure it out. We will receive feedback or “fix” our choice. Eventually, we will get it right. But there is no way we could make the absolute perfect decision every time that will lead to a perfect outcome.
Honestly, getting it right every time is boring. If we can look at our lives as a science project, we would enjoy it more. Scientists aren’t attached to a prediction. They’re super interested in how it all unfolds. They know nothing is guaranteed. They enjoy testing and tweaking.
Get to Know Your Intuition
As we test, tweak, and take notes, we can to learn about how our intuition works. Our souls do know the right answers for us. And I believe we’re always trying to function from that place, but some how we get caught up in the physical. Hence, why we feel torn many of the times when it comes to big decisions.
We’ve spent many years detached from that inner knowing, so it’s going to take time and testing to build that relationship again. As we start to make choices and take note of how we felt when making those choices, and then look at how it turned out, we’ll begin to learn the cues of our compass.
Everyone’s is different. You may get goosebumps when you’re on track. Someone else may get headaches. Some of you may hear or feel. You’ll never know until you start showing interest in the decision/intuition relationship. Which, I think, is a good decision to make.
Nikki Novo is a Cuban-American author, motivational speaker, life coach, medium, and energy healer.
A certified hypnotherapist with the International Association of Counselors and Therapists, ThetaHealer(r) and Reiki healer, Nikki is the author of “Will I be Alone Forever? …And Other Dating Questions You Wish a Psychic Would Answer.” She has taught at The Standard Spa, Miami Beach and Soho Beach House. She has also been commissioned to speak by organizations like Levo League, Fordham University, Florida International University, Macy’s, Saks Fifth Avenue, Baptist Health, Femfessionals, and Latinas Bloggers Connect.
Previous to becoming an activist for authentic living, Nikki was the Miami editor for Refinery29, an editor for DailyCandy, and the associate editor at Miami magazine. Her work has been seen in Allure magazine, Town & Country, the Huffington Post, DailyWorth, MSN.com, Zagat.com, and others. She also spent time in the publicity department of Lionsgate and Fox Searchlight in Los Angeles.
As an expert in purposeful living, Nikki has been featured in Marie Claire, NBC, MSN.com, Telemundo, Babble.com, Arizona Latinos, Miami New Times, and Aventura Magazine. She also held relationship columns with eHarmony.com, the Huffington Post, Miami New Times, and Disney.com.
Nikki is a work-at-home entrepreneur and mom. She is a tribe member of her family consisting of her husband, tween-in-training daughter, toddler boy, and three-pound Yorkie – who is also her desk mate. http://www.nikkinovo.com